my initial plan was to post more pictures up (from prata + scoopz date with mah lovelies) on this space but blogger is taking forevahhhhh to upload them so i gave up. make do with this video, a song which i hold quite dearly to my heart!!

and this is a note to all my jc buddies:
guys i know it's scary, receiving a cert that will pretty much determine your future. i know there's no point asking you all not to freak out or like worry because you guys still will but please trust that everything's going to work out in the end. there's always a way out of every situation. and though society regards grades highly, it doesn't mean you should let your grades or the society define who you actually are. you'll eventually get somewhere, and make it big. it's not your grades, it's not your cert. it's you. and whether you pick yourself up if you fall. but i believe you lovelies won't fall. you guys are gonna soar and do great. no matter what I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

and this is a note to myself:
sera i know the 16th is going to be date you fear the most. it determines if your journey in ngee ann is going end. but whatever it is, remember isaiah 55:8-9. that His plans are greater than yours, and His plans are not to fail you but to prosper you. and that He already had everything in His hands so stop fearing!! trust in Him and let Him lead you. whether you continue or not, it's going to be fine because God is with you, ALL THE TIME. please don't get a panic attack or break down on the 16th. i'm so sick and tired of you crying. you're stronger than you think you are.

CIAOZ

OMGLOL DYING

highlights of today (or yesterday.. really dislike this whole blogging past midnight thing):

1. borrowed Modelland by Tyra Banks and spent my entire morning + afternoon reading. i could picture the scenes that were done in antm so vividly. oh and i need to find a web that has victorious season 3 up!! dezzy said jade and beck broke up:O need to watch it asap!!

2. impromptu meet up with kai and all we did was to sit and talk. you know there's this really special thing.. but i can't exactly put into words. like when friends reach a certain level of comfort with each other and can talk about anything and everything?? i don't know how to say it but yea i like that.

3. i had koi twice. i think it's highly possible i'm going to be (or already am) diabetic super soon. SIGH i need better discipline.. but koi is too hard to resist.

i had a splendid day, and a splendid night. YAY.

FREEDUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

it's crazy. i've never felt so thankful and relieved that exams are over. i don't even remember being THIS happy after Os. i'm not going to get caught up thinking about how my papers were because what's done is done and i'm just beyond ecstatic that i don't have to touch my notes EVER AGAIN..... until year 3 starts.

so to celebrate, dear clarice and i went to dhoby. had great dinner at some japanese restaurant and seriously it's SO good!! either that or i just haven't been eating out as of late. but YES!! then we went to 'made with love' and spent the longest time there. ALL THE PRETTY PAPERS~

AND AND AND the best thing - i met cleo!! she's working there so it's pretty cool and we had an amazing catch up though she's supposed to be working but YAY i missed that girl so much.

had such an excellent start to the holidays. pure bliss knowing that i do not have to worry about studying anymore and i can just sit back, relax and youtube all day all night long.

also, i want to thank God for His strength that pulled me through this entire examination period, and all my friends for your encouraging texts<3 looking back, i don't even know i managed to survive that.

once again,

YAY FREEDOM!

i think it's ridiculous, no scratch that, it's STUPID how i let myself fall into the realm of worry again and again and AGAIN. I HAVE A BIG GOD that is greater than all my circumstances, greater than any problem i face. My future has already been planned out, planned out to what God knows is best for me. i have absolutely no reason to be fearful of something as trivial as exams. so why do i keep falling deeper and deeper into this bottomless pit of anxiety!!

my blog header says "only Love can make a way". it is to remind me that neither my grades, nor the society, nor the worldly standards, can place me in a situation i can't get out of. neither can this earth give me results i'll be satisfied with because God is my source of happiness. only God has my path in His hands. only God knows what my destiny is. ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A WAY FOR ME.

my previous blog's header says "You hold me now". it is to remind me that i have a God that always catches me when i fall. He knows that i am only human and i have my limits. He holds me when i make mistakes, He holds me when i cry, He holds me when i fail, HE HOLDS ME. i'm never going to fall that deep unless i let myself to.

and the only reason why i'm suffering in the hands of worry is because I AM NOT LETTING GOD TAKE CONTROL OF MY STUDIES. all i've been doing is trusting me myself and i. i'm not even letting God play any part in this. i've been relying on my own abilities that can only do this little, that is so limited, instead of depending on God's abilities which can do much bigger, and is very much limitless.

I NEED TO STOP WORRYING. GOD BE THE SOLUTION. and i need to stop praying as though it's all about Him, but act as though it's all about me. i need to get my priorities right. God be the first, God be the center!!

CAPICHE SERA, CAPICHE?? GOOD.

today, He picked me up. today, He reminded me that He is greater than my past. today, He reassured me that He accepts my shortcomings, my mistakes. today, He renewed me. today, He humbled me. today, He embraced me.

today, i will not let my past be my stumbling block.
today, i will treat every painful mistake as a lesson.

today, and onwards, i place my COMPLETE faith in God.

"and nothing you've done, could make him close the door."

HOME SWEET HOME.

credit: Google images

i just got back from Israel Houghton's concert and the atmosphere was just brilliant. God's presence was so thick and i'm quite relieved i actually know maybe 80% of the songs he sang today. honestly thought i'd only know 10% but YAY.

i wish i took pictures but i didn't because firstly, my phone batt went flat RIGHT before the concert and secondly, i forgot to bring my camera. how depressing!! Israel Houghton is one of the most inspiring dudes ever, and his life story is SO touching.

at the last part of the concert he asked the audience to run up to the front and we really did and all was so hyped up!! i love (and am starting to miss..) the atmosphere. and i REALLY love basking and just soaking in God's great presence.

the peace. the love. the hope. the joy. the victory.

thank you kel for inviting me!! it was an empowering session:) i'm glad i took this short time off my study time to worship God.

"From my heart to the heavens, Jesus be the center. It's all about You, yes it's all about You."

thankful for all my studying buds 8)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

and pfft, today's not only about the couples..

anyway i was studying @ starbucks earlier (or technically yesterday but i don't care because i've not slept so today's still 11th feb.. sort of, except for how i started this post. NO IDEA HOW I SHOULD POST THIS AS.).. and it was SUPER productive. and i'm so proud of myself and i was actually pretty interested in pharmaco, which had never happened before. i'd like to believe it's God.

i need to hurry get started on clbc.. as well as other modules because i think i've been neglecting them way too much. i don't want to rush at the very last minute. i don't need panic attacks. neither do i need regrets. so yes, shall attempt to manage my time better.

all the best to you beings out there who're pathetically mugging for their upcoming papers on valentines day just like me!! rest assured you're not alone HEEHEE

#2or3moredaystoexams (why does it have to be past midnight now!!)
#9or10moredaystofreedom

i miss you.

and i'll always love you.

<3

When studying gets boring...

quick update:

i met my e2 darlings for dinner @ astons (the branch at nicoll highway) and the service was way better than last time. commendable! chilled outside the mrt station just catching up with our lives, sharing jokes, and reminiscing secondary school days. it's been 2 years since we're out of beatty and it's just amazing how we're still as close, if not even closer. and like i was just telling the dudes how i'm going to miss them so much when they get enlisted and we realised how different our lives will be without each other.

and i'm going to chengdu in less than a month. 5 weeks. very mixed feelings. as much as i am beyond stoked to hang out in a foreign countries with my lovely p02, without parents' restrains and constrictions, i'd really miss e2 insanely. menghow was just saying how we have never exactly gone through our years without meeting each other at least once in 2 weeks.. except during the hectic As period. plus we always have these little impromptu meetups for dinner or whatever. and how we could just meet so frequently but still enjoy and can never get bored of each others' company.

special bond<3 i love you guys, and i'll really miss you guys. i'm so cheesy and emotional haha, but my boys are getting enlisted soon!! can't help it.

ciaoz.

to-do list @ starbucks:
1. study for clbc test
2. script for immuno presentation
3. revise pharmaco for "retest"

and if i still have time (though possibly not), read up on micro for practical test on wednesday. today WILL be productive, yes:)

oh and yesterday, prophetic worship thingy was just so empowering. just so in awe of how much difference the atmosphere of worship can be, and how much thicker the presence of God is when you allow Him to use you. just amazing.

more of Him, less of me.

The worst thing one can do is to make someone feel insecure, to tear someone down. Just because society is redefining "modelesque", it does not mean that only the girls with the tiniest waistline, or the girls with the most slender legs, or the girls with the perkiest butts, are beautiful. People make ridicules too quickly, but yet we are ever too illiberal with compliments. Maybe it's in our selfish nature to put someone down just so we could feel a lot better about ourselves.

But it's depressing to know how some people can be so reckless with the words they choose to use. You don't go around telling a stranger she's not good-looking. So you shouldn't, and should never, go to someone you don't even know, to someone you've not even breathed a single word to, and tell her she's fat, or she's ugly, or she's hypocritical, or she's a whore. You don't judge her just like that. I understand that it's very easy to say things on the internet right now because you can freely do it anonymously, but really, the impact, have you thought about it? Words beats swords. They say that if you're confident in your own skin, words won't bring you down. But how not to when everyone around you is full of critics?

People do get tired of putting up fake fronts. Behind every smile is possibly a girl who had gone through the toughest battles. I know of girls who have starved themselves till they are only left with skin and bones, but are still dissatisfied with how "fat" they are. I know of girls who slashed their own wrists because they believe that's the only way people will notice them. Yes, they are seeking attention. But why? It is only because loneliness is painful. Slowly, all of us started disregarding the joy a compliment brings. Slowly, we overvalue criticisms, and think mean comments are funny.

Don't get me wrong, feedback is fine. And i truly believe that moulding someone with constructive criticism is healthy. But not when your sole purpose is to bring someone down. It has crossed the line if your very motive is to trample on someone's insecurity just because you want to feel good about yourself. Flaws are overrated. We all need to learn how to keep our loud and malicious opinions to ourselves.

Oh and also, people get tired of living.