Let it snow.

i was really very worried about my results because of the nightmares i had the past few nights. they were all exam-related and it scares me a lot because i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me something.. if He is trying to prepare me for bad results. i don't dare think.

i cried in the presence of God.. in my hostel in chengdu. i think it's silly because like my roommate is in the room too and she could tell everything that was going on, except that i was tearing up because God's presence was so strong. it took pretty long for me to even catch hold of God.. praying and praying and praying to ask God lift my burdens so i could focus on Him instead of all my needless worries. slowly, but surely, he was carrying them away from my shoulders. His embrace.. i could feel it coming.. and comfort started to fill my heart. the anxiety that was causing my stress was changing into indescribable peace.

then i did my tawg.. and i started out with so much negativity. it was like i was sure that my results will be bad. and i even recorded this down.. "God i pray that even if my results are bad, i will still trust in You and Your ways." i was that certain that my grades are going to be terrible. i was even praying about how i'll react to bad results!! but as i went on writing.. i don't know when but i started to fill my journal with positive words.. and i was suddenly reassured to really just faithfully trust that He has everything in His hands. it's not about me, it's about Him.

the world's standard is to "rank" me by my academic grades. God promised me the best He could give me, but his standard is not just by academics. it's more than that. and all i can do is to trust that His ways are bigger than mine, His plans are better than mine. and He has promised to prosper me so He won't fail me. it's the only thing i can do after all that God has done for me, after all that He has given me. it's the least i can do. to at least place my complete trust in Him.

and that's what i'm going to do. i know He is going to give me results that are best for me. and i believe no matter what happens, whether or not i do up to my own expectations, God knows best. and i will seek Him for my every move.

Summary.

i totally overestimated my appetite and i'm feeling BEYOND uncomfortable right now. i'm burping non-stop and i'm really on the verge of vomiting. and the artic-like weather is making everything worse. i want to cry lol.

i can feel myself getting fatter and fatter and it sucks. i've said countless times that i'll go back to Singapore gaining 5kg at the very least but of course it's not like i want that to happen. i mean i'm JUST SAYING.. but now i'm really gaining so much weight i can feel my belly bulging out of my jeans. so gross:'(

this is a very pointless rant to at least show i'm alive here in chengdu. hi guys and bye!!

day 2 in chengdu. temperature: about 6degrees. outfit: 6 layers of tops + 3 layers of bottoms + 2 gloves.

HI GUYS it's frrrrreeezzzinggg here in china. that aside, it's a really pretty place. the university i'm staying at is massive and everyone here cycles to get from one block to another. but i walk. it's really those drama scenes where you see long stretches of roads with just naked trees without leaves by the side and big fields of dry grass every where. very picturesque and relaxing. definitely not something you can find in Singapore.

the pace of living is distinctly slower here!! or maybe because classes have yet to start. but it's really different because no one exactly rushes here. but the toilets.................... hahahaha they're all squats so i guess it's hygienic?? positively thinking. but i suck at using squats. (LOL just remembered when the dudes asked me to buy a lifebuoy to use it as a toilet seat). but yes other than that + not having room and shower heaters (despite the winter conditions).. i like it here, surprisingly.

almost every local here is amazed that we (yes guys, me included okay.) can communicate in chinese. and they are all really impressed by that so YAY the joy of being bilingual. i'm blogging instead of doing my assignment that's due this coming friday because haha distractions > concentration.

thanks for sending me off<3!!

ciaoz!! xx

can't believe this is so soon. in about 24 hours i'll be leaving for chengdu, china. very mixed feelings. stoked because i know i'm going to have tons of fun there with my pharm darlings, but yet it's a little hard to part with everyone else here.

but i know i'll learn a lot from this trip. and grow a lot closer to God.

a big thank you to all those who have like texted or called me to ask me to stay safe and all. and those who have made special time off your schedule just to have a meal with me before i fly off. it's really touching actually. and trust me, i'll definitely miss all of you a ton!!

5 weeks without koi, i hope i'll survive.

big love and a big tight furry bear hug to everyone!! i hope internet works well there!! xx

happy blessed 19th my dearest lovely!!<3

thank you for being one of the sweetest people i've ever met in my life. you're SO precious to me you won't believe it. it's heartwarming to know how far our friendship has come. it's amazing how we can share about anything and everything. and i thank you that you've never once given up on this friendship or left me whenever i needed you. i know for sure we've grown even closer despite having graduated.. being in different schools now. thank you for being my pillar of support - for encouraging me whenever i feel like giving up, for picking me up whenever i fall, for always believing in me. i'm beyond thankful and blessed to even have you in my life. 5 weeks in china is going to be excruciating without you and your hugs!! crazy. i don't even remember when i was THIS reliant and dependent on you. but i appreciate that you're always here for me. we have all these insane ideas of growing old together, and how our kids will be the best of best friends and it's just so cute!! i'll miss you so much when i'm there hahaha all our silly talks and fangirl-ing moments. I'LL BE BACK SOON 8) have a very splendid day today. and you've done well. i'm so proud and happy for you!! i've a congratulatory gift for you i hope i can pass it to you soon!! love you!! xx

credit: Amanda

credit: Amanda

quick update: met my darling girls today for dinner and had a great time laughing. shopped @ f21 and bought 2 outerwear + a pair of jeans. i really need to control my spending. just yesterday i was telling myself to stop shopping because i'm leaving for china in a week's time and the things there are guaranteed to be cheaper!! but temptations temptations....... can't help it.

it's 1:20am, i'm supposed to be asleep. good night!! xx