i was really very worried about my results because of the nightmares i had the past few nights. they were all exam-related and it scares me a lot because i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me something.. if He is trying to prepare me for bad results. i don't dare think.

i cried in the presence of God.. in my hostel in chengdu. i think it's silly because like my roommate is in the room too and she could tell everything that was going on, except that i was tearing up because God's presence was so strong. it took pretty long for me to even catch hold of God.. praying and praying and praying to ask God lift my burdens so i could focus on Him instead of all my needless worries. slowly, but surely, he was carrying them away from my shoulders. His embrace.. i could feel it coming.. and comfort started to fill my heart. the anxiety that was causing my stress was changing into indescribable peace.

then i did my tawg.. and i started out with so much negativity. it was like i was sure that my results will be bad. and i even recorded this down.. "God i pray that even if my results are bad, i will still trust in You and Your ways." i was that certain that my grades are going to be terrible. i was even praying about how i'll react to bad results!! but as i went on writing.. i don't know when but i started to fill my journal with positive words.. and i was suddenly reassured to really just faithfully trust that He has everything in His hands. it's not about me, it's about Him.

the world's standard is to "rank" me by my academic grades. God promised me the best He could give me, but his standard is not just by academics. it's more than that. and all i can do is to trust that His ways are bigger than mine, His plans are better than mine. and He has promised to prosper me so He won't fail me. it's the only thing i can do after all that God has done for me, after all that He has given me. it's the least i can do. to at least place my complete trust in Him.

and that's what i'm going to do. i know He is going to give me results that are best for me. and i believe no matter what happens, whether or not i do up to my own expectations, God knows best. and i will seek Him for my every move.